Hyouka Impossible Intermission Track 5: Uncle’s Return

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(School bell rings, door opens)

Chitanda Eru: (Running) Oreki-san! This is serious!

Oreki Houtarou: What’s with your facial expression, Chitanda?

Chitanda: My uncle…… Sekitani Jun…… is alive!

Oreki: What?

Chitanda: We received a notice from the embassy in India. He was found in the backwoods of Bengal, and was sent back to Japan!

Oreki: Well, isn’t that great?

Chitanda: Yes, but……

Oreki: He’s fine, right? Aren’t you happy?

Chitanda: Of course I’m happy, but a letter from my uncle also arrived……

Oreki: Oh.

Chitanda: It says that he wants to observe the state of the Classics Club as an old boy, since it was a long time since he was here.

Oreki: You mean he’s coming?

Chitanda: Yes. According to the letter, it’s exactly today……

Sekitani Jun: Hey! Is this the club room of the Classics Club? (Walks forward) Oh? Haha! What is this? A boy-girl pair in a secluded room after school. Haha! Seems like I’m intruding, aren’t I?

Oreki: Eh? Who’s this? What?

Chitanda: Huh…… Uncle!

Sekitani: Yes, I’m an uncle, Sekitani Jun.

Oreki: Ehhhhhh?!

Sekitani: “Jun” as in “innocence”1, Sekitani Jun. Leaping through 45 years of time, I have dilatorily arrived! Hah! Classics Club, I have returned! Sort of! Hahaha!

Oreki: Uwaaahhhh……

Chitanda: Uncle! You’re really my uncle, right?

Sekitani: Of course! Ohhh! Eru-tan, long time no see!

Oreki: Eru-tan?!

Chitanda: Uncle! I missed you!

Sekitani: Eru, you’ve grown! The last time I saw you, you were just a pleasant elementary school student! To see you mature so much, I’m really disappointed.

Oreki: Aren’t you supposed to be happy?!

Sekitani: Just kidding! Well, you know, I’m obviously happy to see that my niece has grown up to be a woman with long black hair and huge breasts!

Oreki: Terrible. He’s terrible in every sense of the word!

Sekitani: Anyway, who’s this young lad who’s been mumbling away to himself this whole time?

Chitanda: He is Oreki Houtarou. He is the one who helped me decipher the meaning of Hyouka that you left behind.

Sekitani: What? He did?!

Oreki: Yeah, sort of.

Sekitani: Don’t fool around! I won’t approve of your relationship with Eru!

Oreki: Were you even listening?!

Sekitani: Look in the mirror! Your face is like that of the sleepy-looking protagonist with half-closed eyes, who acts cool with phrases like “Good grief” and monopolizes every girl around!

Oreki: What’s with that prejudiced view?

Sekitani: Look, I know how it is! I won’t be fooled!

Oreki: Oi, Chitanda. Are you sure this old guy is really Sekitani Jun?

Chitanda: He’s supposed to be, but I somehow remember him as a more docile person……

Sekitani: Ah, what’s with that attitude? You think that I’m just an imposter, don’t you?

Chitanda: Ehh, well……

Oreki: You don’t strike me as the type of person to hide your true thoughts with the title of “Hyouka”.

Sekitani: Ah? Hyouka, huh. At that time, I seriously wanted to have some ice cream, so I somehow came up with that title.

Oreki: That’s the truth behind it?!

Sekitani: Of course! It held such a deep meaning of wanting to eat ice cream from the bottom of my heart.

Chitanda: That’s not deep at all.

Sekitani: Well, I was so weak to flattery back then! Being set up to be the leader of the student resistance, I was in high spirits! I couldn’t get much school credits, so having to leave in the middle of a term was just a matter of time for me. In fact, I felt relieved when I was expelled.

Oreki: Uwaaahhh…… this is seriously messed up.

Chitanda: But then having to take responsibility for the fire at the Martial Arts Dojo is……

Sekitani: Oh. That fire, huh. It was a tragic accident, but there was nothing that could be done.

Chitanda: Uncle……

Sekitani: Because the person who started the fire was me.

Chitanda and Oreki: Whattt?!

Sekitani: Things were getting heated up that night. Hehe. There was someone I hated in the Judo club, so in the midst of the confusion…… ahh, it felt good, really.

Chitanda: That’s awful, uncle! Then, why did you tell me that story when I was young?

Sekitani: That story?

Chitanda: When I asked what “Hyouka” meant, you told me to become stronger, and that if I was weak, there would come a time when I wouldn’t even be able to scream.

Sekitani: Oh, I did, didn’t I? Something along the lines of “You should scream when the time comes”, wasn’t it?

Chitanda: Hehhhh?!

Sekitani: Yep, that was it. Eru-tan, you should also be careful of this boy!

Oreki: You’re even calling me a molester now?!

Chitanda: That’s too awful……

(Sekitani laughs, while Chitanda cries)

Oreki: Ahhh, I don’t know what the heck is going on…… Anyway, calm down, Chitanda!

(Sekitani continues laughing and Chitanda continues crying)

(Alarm rings)

Oreki: Uhh…… Hahhhh…… I had such a weird dream. Sekitani Jun as the arsonist…… That’s just crazy……

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  1. Here Sekitani Jun is describing how to write his name. Jun is 純 from 純情 (innocence).

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