Ibara Mayaka: I’ve decided! I’ll join the club!
Oreki Houtarou: Ibara, huh.
Ibara: Uh…… Oreki, is there no one else but you?
Oreki: Satoshi’s away at the Handicrafts Club, while Chitanda’s off for personal reasons.
Ibara: And I specially brought my Club Application form, too.
Oreki: Wait, Ibara. Club application, you say? Where to?
Ibara: Here. The Classics Club.
Ibara: I was invited by Chitanda-san. Also, I have quite a few connections to this club, and Fuku-chan’s here, too. I’ll be busy with my other roles as assistant librarian and Manga Club member, but doesn’t it sound fun?
Oreki: Sounds terrible……
Ibara: What’s with that unpleasant look?
Oreki: Just your imagination. Hmph, anyway, Ibara.
Ibara: What is it?
Oreki: Did you hear of the admittance test?
Ibara: Admittance test?
Oreki: As you can tell, our prestigious club is a place for the chosen Classics elites to assemble. It’s not so easy to enter just because you want to.
Ibara: I-Is that so? But Chitanda-san or Fuku-chan never said anything about……
Oreki: Of course. If we went around telling people about it, it would be a hindrance to our efforts to attract new members.
Ibara: Somehow it seems…… really suspicious.
Oreki: Without further ado, question one of the club admittance test!
Ibara: Wait, what??
Oreki: The latent time of rotavirus, which causes gastroenteritis1 is about 20 hours. True or false?
Ibara: Wh-What’s with that question?! It has nothing to do with the classics, does it?!
Oreki: Please answer with “true” or “false”. Is the latent period of rotavirus about 20 hours? Your time’s running out! Four! Three! Two! One!
Ibara: Eh, ah, um, true!
(“Wrong” buzzer sounds, audience goes “awwwww”)
Oreki: What a pity! The correct answer is false. The latent period of rotavirus ranges from 48 to 72 hours. It causes extremely severe gastroenteritis in infants, so caution is required. Everyone, let’s be careful too.
(Audience applauds and cheers)
Ibara: What do you mean by “everyone”? The only people here are me and you, right? And what’s with all these sound effects?
Ibara: I said, stop it!
(Audience laughs even more)
Ibara: Ngah! Stop!
Oreki: Thank you very much, sound guy. Well, after unfortunately giving a wrong answer, Ibara Mayaka-san has failed the club admittance test.
Oreki: We hope to see you in next year’s club admittance test. Good bye now! The exit is just over there!
Ibara: Hold on! You said “question one” just now! And the test ended after just one question?!
Oreki: Yep. It has ended.
Ibara: Don’t end it! Could it be that you’re trying not to let me in?
Oreki: Not at all.
Ibara: Stop looking away when you’re talking! You’re definitely lying!
Oreki: Just a figment of your imagination.
Ibara: As I said, stop looking away!
Oreki: But Ibara, judge for yourself. Do you think I welcome you entering the club?
Oreki: Exactly. Sure, we’ve been in the same class for the last nine years of my life, but love and affection has never blossomed between us. We’re nothing more than old acquaintances.
Ibara: Right. You could even say we dislike each other.
Oreki: How drastic. Anyway, you’ve failed the admittance test. Just give up.
Ibara: Don’t be stupid! As if I would be satisfied with that farce!
Oreki: You could try.
Ibara: Yeah, right!
Oreki: Hmm. I don’t have a choice. Since you say it that way, I’ll give you a concession.
Oreki: Then, question two!
Ibara: That’s a concession?!
Oreki: The HB on a pencil stands for “Heavy Bomber”. True or false?
Ibara: Eh…… Eh?
Oreki: Please answer the question. Does HB stand for “Hamilcar Barca”4?
Ibara: The question! The question changed! I, er……
Oreki: Five seconds remaining! Four! Three! Two! One!
(“Correct” buzzer sounds)
Oreki: That’s the correct answer!
(Audience applauds and cheers)
Ibara: I did it!
Oreki: Now, please leave the stage.
Ibara: In the end, that’s all I get?!