Chitanda Eru: Can Mayaka-san make it?
Fukube Satoshi: She still seems quite busy. It would be great if she could……
(Satoshi’s phone rings)
Satoshi: Ah! A phone call from Mayaka! (Answers phone) Hello.
Ibara Mayaka: Sorry, Fuku-chan. I’m busy, and I don’t think I can leave the Manga Club.
Satoshi: Eh? Really? That’s a pickle.
Mayaka: Really sorry. I’ll get Oreki to go in place of me.
Satoshi: Eh?! Houtarou?!
(Phone call ends)
Chitanda: How is it?
Satoshi: She said she can’t leave because she’s busy, and apparently, Houtarou’s coming to take her place.
Satoshi: Anyway, I’ll take the starting position.
(Crowd applauds and cheers)
Satoshi: My bad, I could only make one dish!
Oreki Houtarou: I’m here~~
Chitanda: Oreki-san! You came to assist us!
Oreki: No, I came because I was threatened by Ibara.
Satoshi: Well, we didn’t need that particular detail.
Chitanda: That’s great! Now we have enough people!
Satoshi: It may be sudden, but we’re counting on you, Houtarou. You’re the backbone of the team!
Oreki: What do I have to do?
Satoshi: Use the ingredients over there and prepare your cooking in any way you like.
Chitanda: Ah, you don’t have to hold back. Just leave some ingredients for me, and as the team captain, I will somehow deal with it.
Satoshi: Houtarou, you don’t even have to do anything.
Oreki: Even I can cook, you know.
Satoshi: Eh? Really?
Oreki: Sort of. For example, cu……
Chitanda: Cup noodles can be prepared by filling the cup with hot water? Surely you won’t bore us with a cold joke like that, Oreki-san?
Satoshi: Ohh, your face is saying that your thoughts were completely read, Houtarou.
Chitanda: Oreki-san, please do your best.
Oreki: Yeah. I’ll start, then.
Satoshi: Eh? Did something just start?
Chitanda: Oreki Houtarou’s Energy-Conserving Cooking. I watch this every week.
Satoshi: Houtarou’s in such a program?
Chitanda: It’s an interesting cooking program supported by a core of fans. It may be a cooking program, but no cooking is done at all!
Satoshi: Then it’s not a cooking program at all, is it……
Oreki: First, prepare some tofu.
Satoshi: He’s looking at the camera, although there isn’t one!
Oreki: Today we’ll be using tofu. You can use firm tofu or soft tofu. Anything is fine, as long as it’s tofu.
Satoshi: How imprecise……
Oreki: Tofu can break easily, so please hold it carefully.
Satoshi: Ahh! His hands are shaking dangerously!
Oreki: Oops. (Drops the tofu)
Satoshi: He dropped it!
Oreki: Now, we’ll prepare a new tofu.
Satoshi: You’re ignoring the one you dropped?!
Chitanda: Oreki-san, if you continue to waste ingredients……
Satoshi: Houtarou! Something’s squirming out of Chitanda-san’s back!1 Don’t anger her any further!
Oreki: I know! Ehh, now cut the tofu with the kitchen knife, in any way you like. (Begins cutting the tofu)
Satoshi: Ahhh! Looks dangerous! And cut the tofu more cleanly!
Chitanda: Amazing knife control! This is the first time I’m seeing this way of cutting tofu!
Satoshi: What is this? Why am I the only one seeing the reality as it is?
Oreki: Done! Now, pour shoyu or ponzu2 to taste. If you have it, you can add leeks or ginger to taste, too.
Satoshi: Everything’s “to taste”……
Chitanda: This imprecision and energy conservation is quite popular these days.
Satoshi: There is no decency left in this world.
Oreki: Right, we’re done with the cooking.
Satoshi: You only cut the tofu and added some garnish!
Chitanda: Although one valuable tofu was sacrificed, the cold tofu dish was completed without a hitch!
Satoshi: Hey, can this even be considered cooking?