Hyouka Impossible Intermission Track 13: Feigning a Quiz Tournament

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Fukube Satoshi: (Running) This is bad, Houtarou!

Oreki Houtarou: What’s the matter, Satoshi?

Satoshi: It was just announced just now that this year’s Quiz Trial will actually become a rock-paper-scissors tournament!

Oreki: Ohh? I see.

Satoshi: Eh? Why are you so unconcerned? Anything else to say?

Oreki: Good luck with the rock-paper-scissors.

Satoshi: That’s so half-hearted! I spent so much time, including my sleeping hours, studying trends and preparing strategies for the quiz tournament!

(A strange sound)

Oreki: Huh?

Satoshi: It seems like…… the wall’s undulating.

Chitanda: Ahh! Wah! Fresh air!

Satoshi: Ah! Chitanda-san?! Why did you come from the wall……

Oreki: What are you doing?

Chitanda: When I was exploring the cultural festival, I found a Ninja Club, and I learnt the Art of Concealment. I was praised to be quite skillful at it.

Oreki: There shouldn’t be such a club!

Chitanda: Anyway, Fukube-san……

Satoshi: W-What?

Chitanda: I heard your conversation while I was inside the wall. There is a foolproof way of winning rock-paper-scissors.

Satoshi: Eh? Really?

Chitanda: Yes. As long as you hold the Chitanda clan’s surefire strategy, you will not fail. I will now initiate you into this art, so just leave it to me!

Oreki: Leave it to you, huh.

Satoshi: I’m in your hands, Chitanda-sensei.

Oreki: Sensei?

Chitanda: Alright. First, close your eyes and relax your shoulders. Open your feet such that the distance between them is the distance between your shoulders.

Oreki: She started right away.

Chitanda: Then, take one good, deep breath. (Takes a deep breath)

Satoshi: (Takes a deep breath)

Chitanda: Cast your feelings away. Empty your mind of the thought of wanting to win. This is very important.

Satoshi: I see. How deep.

Chitanda: By the way, this is just the preparation.

Oreki: Just how many steps are there?!

Chitanda: And now, focus your energy! Open your eyes with force, like an eagle who has just spotted prey.

Satoshi: Ka!1

Oreki: Just saying it out doesn’t do anything. And don’t look at me!

Chitanda: Then, stare at your adversary like a snake eyeing its prey, fixedly. Ji……2

Satoshi: Ji……

Oreki: I’m not your adversary.

Chitanda: Now, you chant the spell.

Satoshi: Spell?

Chitanda: Repeat after me. O Great God of Agriculture……

Satoshi: O Great God of Agriculture……

(Some sound effect plays)

Oreki: Oh?! What’s this sound effect?!

Chitanda: Bestow upon me the power of nature!

Satoshi: Bestow upon me the power of nature!

Oreki: Oi! Why are you praying to the God of Agriculture just to win a game of rock-paper-scissors?!

Chitanda: Keep quiet, or we might get distracted.

Oreki: Okay.

Chitanda: Fukube-san. It is now in your head, right? Which of rock, paper or scissors to throw to beat Oreki-san?

Satoshi: You’re right. I know what Houtarou will throw.

Oreki: In the end, I have no choice but to play rock-paper-scissors?

Chitanda: Then, let us begin. Rock, paper, scissors! Ah! What is this?

Satoshi: This is impossible!

Oreki: Hey! We have to spell it out, or others won’t understand!

Chitanda: Oh! You’re right! It is a pity that we are unable to show this on video.

Oreki: Is it really?

Satoshi: This is…… what do you call it…… a perfect tie.

Oreki: I threw stone.

Chitanda: I threw scissors.

Satoshi: And I went with paper.

Oreki: Did you really know that I was going to throw stone, Satoshi?

Satoshi: Yeah.

Chitanda: I looked into Fukube-san’s eyes, so I chose scissors.

Satoshi: So I won Houtarou, and Chitanda won me.

Oreki: This Chitanda-style rock-paper-scissors surefire method, or whatever it’s called…… isn’t it meaningless unless it’s one-on-one?

Chitanda: That’s right. It’s used for one-on-one matches.

Satoshi: Hm! Seems like it was effective!

Oreki: That was a pretty random statement……

Chitanda: This is perfect, isn’t it, Fukube-san? With this, there is no doubt that you will be victorious!

Satoshi: Now I feel like I can win anyone in the world in a game of rock-paper-scissors. Thank you, Chitanda-san.

Oreki: In the end…… what are the roots of this surefire strategy?

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  1. Chitanda said “open your eyes with force”, which can be misconstrued as “open your eyes while saying Ka”.
  2. The sound of staring.

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