Hyouka Drama CD 2 Track 4: Hyouka Quest; On to the Classics Club!

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Oreki Houtarou: Oh, a letter? It’s from my sister. (Reads letter) “Dear……”

Oreki Tomoe: ……Lord Oreki Houtarou. Salutations. I am currently in Zenithia Castle1.

Houtarou: Where the heck is that?!

Tomoe: I’m a bit late, but happy sixteenth birthday! As your older sister, I shall give you a piece of advice. Become a hero!

Houtarou: Why should I?

Tomoe: It is a profession steeped in tradition, and it was what our father strove to become. By the way, our father’s name is Orte……2

Houtarou: I don’t remember having a father like that!

Tomoe: Currently, the number of heroes in the world is zero. If we don’t have a hero this year, the world will surely end. That’s something that we cannot accept. Houtarou, become a hero! It’s fine if you just have the word “Hero” in your status.

Houtarou: That kind of world should just burn.

Tomoe: In any case, you got nothing else to do, am I right? Yours sincerely, Oreki Tomoe.

Houtarou: Uwaaaa! (Tears up letter) Hah! Hah! Ahh! My profession has changed to hero! Sis……

Fukube Satoshi: Thus, the hero reluctantly set off on his journey.

Houtarou: Satoshi. I’m not setting off on any journey. Definitely not!

Satoshi: Hey! You aren’t supposed to be talking to the storyteller. But Houtarou, if you don’t journey around as a hero, the world will be destroyed.

Houtarou: I’m fine with that.

Satoshi: Your words totally belong to the Demon King.

Houtarou: Leave me alone.

Satoshi: But then again, you can’t refuse your sister’s request, right?

Houtarou: Uh……

Satoshi: It seems fun, so I’ll tag alone too. I’m Fukube Satoshi, a storyteller as well as a mage. Look forward to working with you.

Houtarou: Hey, I haven’t agreed to……

Satoshi: And thus, the energy conserving hero set off on his journey.

Houtarou: Nnh, the whole world seems to be my enemy.

Satoshi: Come of it, I’m your ally, Houtarou!

Houtarou: You’re only here for fun!

Satoshi: Not at all! I was so worried about you going around the world that I couldn’t sleep last night! Instead, I watched television while eating snacks.

Houtarou: You’re not worried at all!

Satoshi: Anyway, about the name in the status window……

Houtarou: Huh? Name? ……Hey! Why did it become “Houtaru”?!

Satoshi: Didn’t you write it yourself?3

Houtarou: As if! Is this also because of my sister?!

Satoshi: Ahh, in any case, it seems like it can only fit four characters. Since your real name can’t fit4, isn’t it fine?

Houtarou: Why is it so low-spec?! Also, if I only have four characters, Oreki would be fine too5, right?

Satoshi: As expected of your older sister. Hehehe.

Houtarou: Heh. Hehehehehehehe.

Satoshi: What’s the matter, Hero Houtarou?

Houtarou: I understand now, Satoshi. Now I just need to go and defeat my sister, then I’ll be able to protect my peace and quiet! Wait for me, sis!

Satoshi: Yeah, yeah. Since that won’t ever come true, just give up, Houtarou. Now, let’s go~~!

Houtarou: Uwa! Oi, let me go, Satoshi! The Demon King of this world is my sister. As long as I don’t defeat her, peace will never return!

Satoshi: That’s your peace you’re talking about. Anyway, leave your sibling quarrel to another world, kay?

Houtarou: Uuhhh! Let me go~~~!

Satoshi: Thus, the Hero Houtaru somehow managed to assemble some comrades.

Chitanda Eru: I am Chitanda, a priestess.

Mayaka Ibara: I’m Mayaka, a martial artist.

Houtarou: Oi, Satoshi. Don’t increase my allies with just one line of narration.

Satoshi: I didn’t have a choice. We don’t have enough time.

Houtarou: Seriously…… So? What do I have to do to be released from this farce?

Satoshi: What a negative hero.

Houtarou: Shut up.

Chitanda: Houtaru-san, we have to break the seal of Hyouka. It is written in the ancient documents that if we do that, peace will reign across the land.

Houtarou: Stop calling me Houtaru. Oreki’s fine. Hm? What’s Hyouka? Ice cream?

Mayaka: You call yourself a hero?

Houtarou: A hero that was forced to become one!

Satoshi: Hyouka refers to the legendary magical tome.

Chitanda: That’s right. If we can only find it……

Houtarou: Where is it?

Satoshi: Hmph. Even a database wouldn’t know that.

Mayaka: Hero Houtaru, you’re way too lazy.

Houtarou: Enough with the “Houtaru”! Ibara, you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Mayaka: Maybe.

(Monster encounter sound plays)

Satoshi: Monster Tougaito appeared.

Tougaito Masashi: Hey, you guys……

Houtarou: Hiya!

Satoshi: Ei!

Tougaito: Uh!

Mayaka: Urya!

Tougaito: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

Satoshi: Houtaru gained 3 gold.

Houtarou: Tsk, that’s all, huh.

Satoshi: We live in hard times.

Mayaka: Better than zero, isn’t it?

Chitanda: All of you are too cruel!

Houtarou: Even if you say so……

(Monster encounter sound plays)

Satoshi: Monster Tougaito appeared.

Tougaito: You people, you dare to do that to my brothers……

Houtarou: It appeared again.

Chitanda: Everyone, we can’t recklessly kill everything!

Houtarou: But if we just ignore him, we won’t be able to find out where Hyouka is held, right? Where should we go?

Tougaito: Hyo, Hyouka?!

Houtarou: Hm? You know something?

Tougaito: No, no, don’t know anything. (Whistles)

Mayaka: Houtaru, what do you think?

Houtarou: Stop calling me Houtaru, Ibara. No matter how you look at it, he definitely knows something. Is Tougaito an idiot?

Satoshi: That makes him seem so pathetic. Tougaito’s a monster that appears at the start, so it has low intelligence.

Houtarou: Satoshi, your way of saying it is more cruel than mine.

Chitanda: I will try to ask him. Tougaito-san, please tell us the location of Hyouka!

Satoshi: It’s fine. We can just defeat him and force him to spit it out. Fire magic, Sizz!

Tougaito: Gehiii!!!

Satoshi: What, it only grazed him, huh.

Tougaito: D-Don’t suddenly attack like that. I’m your senpai, you know! I don’t mean to boast, but I can take three hits from a stick before being defeated!

Houtarou: That’s really something you can’t boast about……

Tougaito: Damn! What exactly are you people?!

Satoshi: Hey! Hold your head high! The one passing by here is the Hero Houtaru!

Houtarou: My name is Oreki Houtarou!

Tougaito: Tsk! I’ll remember this, Houtaru!

Houtarou: It’s Houtarou! How many times do you plan to make me correct you?!

Mayaka: Ah! Tougaito has escaped!

Satoshi: Tougaito tried to run, but was surrounded by the heroes, and couldn’t escape.

Tougaito: Players aren’t supposed to surround monsters!

Mayaka: We won’t let you escape! Hehehe…… Acha!

Tougaito: Ahh! It hurts! It hurts!

Satoshi: Oh! Choke Sleeper!

Houtarou: It would be easier if you just hurry up and spill the beans.

Tougaito: I give up! I give up! Uh…… consciousness…… fading……

Chitanda: Ahh! Tougaito-san is…… Give me a moment. Healing magic, Heal!

Tougaito: Huh! My strength is returning! Ah! Again, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts! Ooh, again, my consciousness……

Chitanda: Ah! He fainted again? Haah…… Heal~

Tougaito: Huh! Ahhh! I give! I give! Please let me off easy……

Satoshi: This is like torture, isn’t it?

Houtarou: Indeed, this is quite pitiful. Oi Ibara, release him.

Mayaka: I don’t have a choice. Here.

Tougaito: Ahh! Cough, cough. You people…… you…… one day I’ll do to you, umm…… that! I’ll Q all of you!

Houtarou: His vocabulary is dreadfully low, huh.

Tougaito: Ahhhhhhhh!

Satoshi: Tougaito escaped.

Chitanda: He left. I wonder if he’s fine, that Tougaito-san……

Houtarou: I think you were the most cruel back there, Chitanda.

Mayaka: But then we’ve lost our lead. What do we do?

(Monster encounter sound plays)

Confectionery Research Club Member A: Trick or treat~~~

Confectionery Research Club Member B: Yayyyy!

Houtarou: What is it now?

Satoshi: Confectionery Research Club members A and B appeared.

CRC member A: Trick or treat!

CRC member B: Yayyyy!

Chitanda: Wow! They’re so cute! Ahaha! They’re pumpkin monsters, right?

Houtarou: Beat it! We have no candy to give you. Go home!

CRC member A: Ehh? But then, but there’s a really delicious aroma!

CRC member B: Sniff, sniff. Good smell! Good smell!

Chitanda: Could it be the cookies we were saving for tea?

Houtarou: Oi, you two! You can take these! Horse manure6.

CRC member A: Uhh! No thanks!

CRC member B: Eh? Engacho!7

Satoshi: What should we do, Houtarou?

Houtarou: Right now, we’re trying so hard to find a magical tome with a name that sounds like a snack, so why do have to give snacks to our enemies?

CRC member A: Did he say, “A magical tome with a name that sounds like a snack”?

CRC member B: He did! He did say, “”A magical tome with a name that sounds like a snack”.

CRC member A: Then that means he’s talking about Hyouka, right?

CRC member B: That means he’s talking about Hyouka!

Satoshi: You know it?

CRC member A: No, no. We won’t tell you.

CRC member B: That person will bully us, after all.

Houtarou: I’ll give you these cookies, so tell us.

CRC member A: Uhhh…… No, no. We can’t tell you.

CRC member B: Yeah, that person will bully us.

Satoshi: Who’s that person?

CRC member A: Tougaito.

Houtarou: That guy again?

Chitanda: Is there no other way?

CRC member A: Nope- Wow! What’s that?! It’s so cool!

Mayaka: This? It’s a Glock-17.

Houtarou: Is it even possible for a Martial Artist to hold a long-ranged weapon?!

Mayaka: It’s important to work hard to improve on your weaknesses.

CRC member A: Wow! Wahh! That’s so nice!

Mayaka: I’ll give this to you on top of the cookies, so tell us where Hyouka is.

CRC member A: Eh? You’re giving it to us?

CRC member B: Great! Hyouka is sealed on a deserted island south of here, boss.

Houtarou: Stay consistent with your character!

Chitanda: Thank you very much, pumpkins!

CRC member A: Pakyuunn!

CRC member B: Yayy! Bye~~~!

Chitanda: Then let’s go, everyone!

Satoshi: Now, we’ve reached the island.

Houtarou: Don’t slack off with the narration, Satoshi.

Mayaka: Anyway, wasn’t it too quick?

Houtarou: Don’t say that, Ibara. An “energy-saving adventure”. Doesn’t it just have a lovely ring to it?

Mayaka: You’re the worst hero ever.

Chitanda: In any case, I wonder where Hyouka is sealed?

Mayaka: Hey! There’s a small shrine over there. Could that be it?

(Monster encounter sound plays)

Tougaito: Oi! Who are you, trying to approach the shrine?

Satoshi: Tougaito appeared.

Houtarou: Haahhhhh…… It’s you again, Tougaito?

Tougaito: That’s my line!

Mayaka: What’s with that attitude? Do you want to get Sleeper Choked again?

Tougaito: Eeh! Hmph! Don’t think that I’m the same as just now!

Satoshi: That’s a death flag you’re setting up with those words.

Chitanda: Tougaito-san! The wounds from just now haven’t completely healed! Don’t push yourself!

Tougaito: It’s all your fault that I suffered for so long!

Chitanda: Is that so?

Houtarou: Chitanda. Pay him no heed. It was the correct way to torture someone.

Tougaito: Shut up! Behold my true power!

Satoshi: Tougaito called for help. Tougaito A, B, C, D, E, F appeared.

Houtarou: Eh?! Wha, what?!

Mayaka: Annoying…… That’s boundlessly annoying!

Satoshi: What? The Tougaitos are……

(Fusion sound)

Satoshi: King Tougaito8 appeared.

Chitanda: Ohh! Tougaito-san has grown huge!

Houtarou: Uwa……

Tougaito: What do you think? Scared now? But I won’t let you go even if you cry!

Houtarou: It seems like the only change is that he grew bigger, but……

Satoshi: As they say, “the child is father to the man”9.

Tougaito: Fear me!

Mayaka: Even if you say so…… Well, if you want us to, we’ll fight.

Tougaito: Eh? Um, wait……

Satoshi: That’s right. We haven’t shown him our special magic attack.

Tougaito: I mean, come on……

Chitanda: Most battles cannot be avoided, huh.

Tougaito: Even you?

Houtarou: Time for me to be serious, I think. My target’s right in front of my eyes. I won’t go easy on you.

Tougaito: Umm, all of you look scary…… Ah, wait, wait, ahhhhhhhhh!

Houtarou: Mayaka, he’s heading to you!

Mayaka: I know! Unyaaaaaa!

Tougaito: Eeeeehhh! It seriously hurts——!

Chitanda: Tougaito-san! Heal!

Houtarou: Stop healing each and every enemy, Chitanda!

Satoshi: And thus, at the end of the fierce battle, Tougaito was defeated, and the seal on Hyouka was broken. Peace returned to the world.

Houtarou: Great! Now all of us can return to our everyday lives.

Satoshi: Oh, now that you mention it, another letter from your sister arrived.

Houtarou: From my sister? (Opens letter) I have a bad feeling about this…… Erm, “Dear……”

Oreki Tomoe: ……Lord Oreki Houtarou. Salutations. I am currently in the Void10. As your older sister, I shall give you a piece of advice. Houtarou, protect the Crystals! In any case, you got nothing else to do, am I right? Yours sincerely, Oreki Tomoe!

Houtarou: That’s a completely different game!!!

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  1. Location in Dragon Quest IV.
  2. Refers to Ortega, father of the hero in Dragon Question III.
  3. In Volume 2, Chapter 8, when Houtarou logged into a chatroom, he mispelled his username as “Houtaru”.
  4. ほうたろう (Houtarou) contains five characters.
  5. おれき (Oreki) contains three characters.
  6. This is actually an item in Dragon Quest IV. I have yet to find out what it’s used for.
  7. In Japan, kids say this while crossing their fingers to “ward off dirt”.
  8. Some slimes in Dragon Quest can pile up and fuse to form a King Slime.
  9. This means that even if someone grows older, his personality will not change.
  10. Recurring location in the Final Fantasy series.

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