Chapter 3 Part 1 | Contents | Epilogue
July 6, 1992 (Heisei 4) – Monday
At night, a bell rang.
It was a phone call from someone I didn’t really want to talk to. As they always did, I responded with the minimum amount of words.
“What is it?”
“I want to meet you.”
“I’ve got nothing for you.”
“But I do.”
“Like I care.”
Silence fell on the other end of the receiver.
It was broken by a voice that seemed to be strained from labored breathing.
“I have to meet you tonight no matter what.”
I sighed.
“Where?”
The designated meeting point was the foot of Fudou Bridge, in front of the shuttered photo studio.
Indeed, that was the approximate middle point between the two of us. Even though I’d known her for so long now, I was still dumbfounded by Tachiarai’s impudence.
The afternoon’s heat did not cool down, and the wind was heavier than it had been in the afternoon. It was still early in the evening, and the bright streetlights made it difficult to see the stars. The waxing moon that almost a semicircle also shone brilliantly, smothering the light from the stars. The moon had a magnificent white halo. I put on my sandals and left the house.
I had no clue as to what Tachiarai wanted.
When I’d said that I wanted to figure out Maja’s hometown, she’d refused and turned down my request. Shirakawa had told me not to think of Tachiarai as cold, but it was impossible to bend the truth. What did this Tachiarai want from me now? To be honest, I was in a bad mood, or to put it more clearly, I was irritated. Was she about to give me excuses? I didn’t want to listen to them, and there was something else I had to do.
But after taking a deep breath and thinking about it, there was no way Tachiarai would call me out late at night to say, “Sorry, I couldn’t help you due to my personal reasons. Please forgive me.” She would definitely not say something like that.
Then again, things change. While Shirakawa’s nature hadn’t changed, that might not be the case for Tachiarai. If she’d indeed changed such that she would say that… then I really wouldn’t want to hear her words.
Those thoughts caused my legs to slow down. It took me twice the normal amount of time to reach Fudou Bridge. Wouldn’t Tachiarai get tired of waiting and go home? Such a worry washed over me. No, that wasn’t a worry, it was expectation.
However, under the haloed moon, Tachiarai was waiting. Her long hair was the same as before, and she was wearing a jacket and bell bottoms. Both of them were black, so she seemed to fade into the night. I could see a red light by her lips. Evidently having else nothing to do while waiting, she was smoking a cigarette.
When she caught sight of me, she pressed the cigarette against the asphalt, extinguishing it. After that, she produced a small silver box from her pocket and kept the extinguished cigarette there. That action was familiar to me.
The streetlamp near Fudou Bridge let out only an extremely feeble light. Tachiarai and I faced each other under the moonlight.
I was the first to speak.
“Happy birthday.”
Tachiarai stared at my face as if she’d seen something rare, then looked down at the cigarette residue by her feet.
“Right, thank you, though it was yesterday.”
She then smiled faintly.
“Long time no see.”
I did not look into Tachiarai’s eyes.
“You’re right.”
“You been well?”
So you’re being considerate of me? What’s gotten into you? Thank you, I’m fine, if the definition of being well is having no problems with my body.
These words appeared in my mind, but now that she was physically in front of me, I was unable to speak like I was on the phone. In the end, I nodded in place of a verbal response.
“You?”
“Normal. I slimmed down a little.”
Since Tachiarai was originally slender, I couldn’t tell if she’d slimmed down. In the first place, I never paid attention to her body such that I would be able to make such a comparison.
Still looking away, I spoke in a small voice.
“So, what do you want?”
But Tachiarai replied teasingly.
“You in a hurry?”
“…Yeah, there’s something I have to do. If you have something to say, make it quick.”
I didn’t need to look at her to know that her grim eyes were on me. Despite my request for her to make it quick, she remained quiet for a short while. Just as I was about to express my irritation, she spoke in a low voice.
“By something you have to do, you mean making a travel plan?”
I involuntarily raised my head, and met Tachiarai’s gaze head on. Her eyes weren’t the sharp, cold ones I’d been used to up till the year before. Instead, commiseration seemed to inhabit them.
Then, I realized that my attitude was answering her question eloquently.
She shook her head, very slightly.
“Maja told you not to come, didn’t she? Did you not understand what she was saying?”
What Maja was saying? I couldn’t help but reply with a question, even as I knew that Tachiarai would have expected that.
“Why do you know that?”
Tachiarai’s expression did not change.
“Women turn to each other for advice. Izuru phoned me, saying that you were acting strange. I figured it out after listening to the whole story. Moriya-kun, did I hit the mark?”
My voice became hoarse.
“Not about that! I meant about what Maja was saying!”
For a moment, it seemed like a shade of sorrow colored her face.
“I told you, women turn to each other for advice. Maja wasn’t that strong to spend two months in a place she doesn’t know without confiding in someone about her worries.”
“……”
I felt like I was being choked.
Not because Maja had revealed our conversation to someone else. In the first place, I hadn’t told her to keep it a secret, and she hadn’t gone around blabbing about it to everyone, anyway. No, it was because Tachiarai’s words that Maja was unable to spend a mere two months alone somehow made me feel an unbearably painful stab in my heart.
As I kept silent, Tachiarai mercilessly showered me with words.
“Are you still planning to go? How are you getting there? And what will you do when you’re there?”
I gnashed hard on my back teeth.
“I heard that refugees from Bosnia and Herzegovina arrive incessantly at Italy, across the Adriatic Sea. If you can get to Italy from Bosnia, there should be ships going the opposite direction as well. I’ve saved up some money. In one or two months, most likely two, I’ll be ready. I can go over there, and save Maja.”
But I was interrupted before I could finish saying my piece.
“Do you really not understand why Maja refused to take you to Yugoslavia? There’s no way anything would happen even if you get there, and the best case is that you get tricked by some crafty people into seeing some sort of illusion, right? In the end, Moriya-kun, you…”
“I know, I know!”
My voice came out in a yell.
Yes, I knew.
I wanted to go to Yugoslavia. Just as Maja had come to Fujishiba, I wanted to go over there.
Maja had laughed at my confession, and said that it was a bad time for sightseeing.
At that time, I’d felt frustrated, because my earnest desires had been summed up in one word, “sightseeing”. I’d thought, “That’s not it. I want to go to do something more meaningful.”
But many things change in a year. Maja’s words constantly lingered in my head, and would often come to the surface as a question while studying for entrance exams, or even in the middle of those exams. And one year was not too short a time period to come up with an answer, no matter how imperfect.
The truth was that what I’d tried to do last year, asking Maja to take me to Yugoslavia, was indeed, as she’d said, just for sightseeing. No, it was even worse. It was an utterly meaningless action. I wanted to do something, somehow. Did I really think that something would happen if I went to Yugoslavia with that mentality?
I learned that there used to be a profession called “prospector”. These people would walk around mountains and search for promising ore deposits. Of course, ore deposits aren’t just lying around, so most of them failed. However, these prospectors had the goal of searching for ore deposits. Even if most of them failed, that was already in their calculations from the beginning.
Compared to them, what about the intention of going onto a mountain for just a chance of finding something, anything? Obviously, nothing would come of it, and it wouldn’t result in success or failure. Thus, I would call such an action a “picnic”.
At that time, I was enchanted by the fascinating world Maja had brought with her. In reality, I just wanted to cling onto the “dramatic” element that had finally appeared before me. By explicitly stating that it was for my own sake, I’d managed to avoid being accused of being a hypocrite, but that was just about the only saving grace of it all.
Hints had been scattered everywhere. Maja had clearly stated her reasons for coming to Japan at the start, and had made it a lot clearer at Tsukasa Shrine. Tachiarai had sharply criticized me for yearning after another world I knew so little about.
Maja had seen right through me, and said that she understood me more than I did myself. She was probably right. To break me out from the enchantment, Maja had harshly rejected my request. It took me some time to understand that, but…
But now…
Now that I knew, or rather, because I knew, I was caught up in the impulse that I had to go to Yugoslavia. Right now, I didn’t “just want to do something, somehow”.
These thoughts crossed my mind, but I didn’t feel the need to say them aloud. I knew that one line was enough.
So I spoke.
“I know, but I’ve decided.”
Silence.
The smell of lingering cigarette smoke reached my nose.
Tachiarai let out a deep, deep sigh. Looking down, she jiggled her long hair and shook her head. When she finally raised her head, it was with an indescribably sad smile. I couldn’t believe that Tachiarai could express her emotions so clearly, even though I’d just witnessed it directly.
“You’ve got a funny face on again… Really.”
“It didn’t become like that for your enjoyment.”
Tachiarai stuck her hand into the right pocket of her bell bottoms. What she produced from it was a white, slightly crinkled envelope.
“If you’ve made that decision, I have no choice.”
She muttered, then held the envelope towards me, and I reluctantly accepted it. The envelope had nothing written on its front or back, and was just as unapproachable as Tachiarai herself. There seemed to be a few pieces of paper in it.
When I tried to take them out, Tachiarai asked.
“Moriya-kun, do you know why Maja didn’t reveal where she was from?”
“…It was a coincidence, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, it was a coincidence, but only until some point.”
I stopped my hands and stared at Tachiarai. As if the emotion she’d showed earlier was some kind of mistake, she continued speaking with only her lips.
“At that point, it became intentional. Moriya-kun, do you know why?”
“……”
“It was to prevent you from going to Yugoslavia.”
A sharp jolt ran through my body.
Tachiarai moved towards me, by just half a step.
“Maja never gave her contact information to Izuru, who wouldn’t refuse a request from her, to Fumihara, a male friend, and of course, to you. She was worried that if you knew, you would try finding her in Yugoslavia.”
Her voice became increasingly forceful. Correspondingly, her composure started to crumble.
“But she told me, believing that I would be able to keep the secret until the time comes. Moriya-kun, do you know what you’re holding? I sent a letter to Maja, and that’s the reply from Sarajevo.
“Read it, now!”
I looked back at the white envelope.
There were three pieces of writing paper in it. Pulling them out took some time and effort.
Two of those were written in smooth cursive script of the English alphabet. The third was written in very neat Japanese, as if it had been typed out by a machine. I didn’t need to ask; that was a translation done by Tachiarai.
I read it.
Thank you for the letter, but I’m not sure if my letter will reach you. Sarajevo is now in a terrible state. I pray that this letter will reach Japan without issue.
I’m Marija’s brother, Slobodan. I was very happy to read your heartfelt letter to my younger sister. I must write this letter that will be painful for you, just as it is painful for us.
My sister, and your friend Marija, was shot in the head by a sniper on May 22, and died.
I’m glad that I was able to build a grave for Marija. It’s gradually getting difficult to build proper graves in Sarajevo.
Marija loved you all. Just as she loved other countries, she loved Japan. She strongly wished to go to Japan one more time. I pray that I can make it come true in some part.
When peace returns to our city (please God, let it come soon), I hope that you can come and visit. In place of my sister, we will welcome you, so that she will be at peace.
How does one normally react to that?
The text continued on, but I couldn’t read further. I recalled Maja’s face that possessed a hint of childlike innocence, her uniquely thick eyebrows, her black eyes, her black hair.
The head! Why the head!
I raised my head to see Tachiarai in front of me. I cursed her.
“Why didn’t you say anything! Why did you keep quiet when you knew! Was it fun for you to see Shirakawa and I work hard for nothing?”
“What would you have done!”
Tachiarai yelled in a voice twice as loud as mine.
“Could you tell this to Izuru? It’s not like you can’t imagine how she’ll react. I couldn’t do that. I can’t withstand something like that.
“You should’ve realized, right? You should’ve realized why I drank so much until I got wasted at last year’s farewell party. You understood why Izuru got wasted, but you didn’t think that it was the same for me. Why did you think I always refused to explain to Maja whenever she was curious about something? Did you understand that I felt shy about it?
“I know what you think of me, and I know that my actions make me look that way. I know that Tachiarai suits me a lot more, rather than an easygoing nickname like Sendou. But Moriya-kun, you’ve been thinking of me as too cold-hearted a person!”
Her hair was all over the place, and a bunch of it flowing in front partially hid her left eye.
After brushing her hair to the back, Tachiarai looked slightly downward. She then put her hand in her left pocket, and held out a small object.
“This was enclosed in the letter.”
I could see some hydrangeas.
It was a barrette with a relief of hydrangeas, stained with dirt.
The barrette that had just been in Tachiarai’s pocket was warm, as if it was alive.
Chapter 3 Part 1 | Contents | Epilogue
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Editors (Tier 2): Dedavond, Pearl H Nettle, Minami, Yousef
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